It’s episode three of FBoy Island Australia 2023 and we have landed ourselves in Limbro, where the ultimate FBoys must atone their worst traits and it’s clear after precisely two minutes that not one of these guys GAF about penitence.
Meanwhile, over in the Grotto — which we didn’t know existed until this very moment — our sainted “Nice Guys” are enjoying luxury comforts, proving that good men don’t always finish last.
Over in the lady’s villa, the girls reflect on the “intense” elimination from the night before when Molly sent Joey packing. Sophie was understandably confused over peroxide Justin losing his emotional mind, now concerned that he too, was an FBoy.
Ziara admits she has the “ick” over #dadshoes Darcy and is like WTAF over pro-Bballer Cory who “gives off major possessive vibes”, while Molly continues to pine over sweet, sweet Nick, whom she sent home during episode one.
It’s time to turn the heat UP
Proving they have the minds of a toddler, who tf is Riccardo, GHFB Caleb and painter Nico engage in a half-naked pillow fight.
Thankfully, it’s time for a wholesome group date (lol), where host Abbie Chatfield reveals they will be playing a little game called Kiss, Pie, Date (“The PG version of F**k, Marry, Kill”). But there was a twist absolutely no one in the universe saw coming. INTRUDERS!
The “dick-to-chick” ratio grew with the introduction of cOnTenT CReaTor Lakshya, “I would f**k myself if I could” Simon, “sensitive” tatt-faced Chris and “wink because I’m lying about being a nice guy” Vernon.
Basically, not one of the existing men was intimidated by the new gronks who had landed, and the show continued on with its pissing contest.
During Kiss, Pie, Date, Intruder Simon admitted he’d had sex in a cave (?!) while #dadshoes Darcy said he’d fornicated in a wine cellar and GHFB Caleb got intimate in a closet during Thanksgiving. Ziara chose to date Caleb, kiss Simon and pie Darcy.
Then there was a disclaimer. “We were going to show you the rest of the game but it went on for a long time. Like, a very long time.”
The mixer
After the complete waste of time that was the Pie Game, it was time for the mixer and all da boiz eagerly waited to see who the three ladies would “steal away for a chat”.
Peroxide Justin was fully “pissed off” by the intruders coming in because even though he is an absolute FBoy, appaz he has developed feelings for Sophie. Molly and ol’ stache face Vernon began to hit it off before “between jobs” Mitch became Gossip Kween Mitch.
Apparently, Gossip Kween Mitch had matched with a girl on Tinder prior to coming onto the show and when they began an Insta DM exchange, she revealed that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend because he was going on FBoy Island. Oh, and his name was Vernon. Lel.
With zero hesitation, Mitch tells EVERYONE and we hear the story at least 3750 times throughout the episode.
Unbeknownst to Molly, she asks stache boy Vernon on a single date, while Ziara chooses “hot name” Izaya and Sophie chooses Brit Benny.
The single dates
The next day, all is put to the side as the ladies go on their single dates.
First up is Ziara and “hot name” Izaya who are having a beach picnic in the coolest sand chair. They get along juuuuuust fine and make out. A lot.
Sophie and Brit Benny are up next and they are making an Eggplant and Peach Salad. Seriously, we’re questioning if these ingredients even go together, but we appreciate the euphemism.
Finally, Molly and stache boy Vernon go for a drive on the sand in what we think is a Rav 4. (We’re not car people. We don’t know.) Vernon seems to win Molly over with a little titbit about being named after his grandfather and since we thought he was named after the Harry Potter character, this makes more sense.
Elimination
Finally, it’s time to get rid of three more idiots from this godforsaken island.
Painter Nico grins like a Cheshire cat before Sophie chooses him and Gossip Kween Mitch as her bottom two. Ziara chooses cOnTenT CReaTor Lakshya and pro-Bballer Cory while Molly chooses Taco Tuesday Mikey and male entertainer Sean.
Once again Gossip Kween Mitch tells errrrryone the story about Vernon and Molly says they need to have a chat before Sophie questions Mitch if he still has any of the apps and he says, “yeh, well they’re still on my phone”. Cool.
Mikey, Mitch and Laksyha all get the boot, with every single one of them admitting they’re an FBoy. Shocker.
“Get back on those apps,” Abbie tells them, and please don’t, sincerely the single women of Australia.
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