Christ on a bike! We’ve made it. It’s the final Commitment Ceremony of Married at First Sight Australia 2023 a.k.a episode 29!
If you can believe it, it’s been eight long weeks since the experiment began, and out of 12 OG and intruder couples, only SIX have made it to this point.
It’s been an intense week with a Couple Swap, a chaotic Dinner Party, and Bronte finally seeing the light; and frankly, everyone is f**king T.I.R.E.D.
After the sh**t show that was the second-last meal, most of the couples are at breaking point. Except for Tahnee and Ollie because they are perfect…
Instead of focusing on their own issues, the other participants focus on the fact that Bronte and her idiot husband, Harrison, will be leaving the experiment after his remarks at the din dins. However, knowing ol’ mate, it will all be like “psych! we were joking!”
For Lyndall and Cameron, it has been a challenging morning. Since the DIDO carpenter admitted he doesn’t get reception when working and his inability to compromise, they are basically f**ked.
Meanwhile, Alyssa reveals that she’s “grilled” every single time she sits on the couch, and so she’s “not looking forward to it” and imagine how Duncan feels, girl!
Down the hall, Melinda and Layton are still unable to resolve their issues after Mel stormed out of ye olde Dinner Partae. After returning from the said MAFS family affair, the pair were in a stalemate and didn’t speak.
Then, before the Ceremony, they decided to reunite to talk things out and the Bride began to “question whether it was ever going to work”.
“I’m losing hope,” she says. Sad face.
Finally, it’s time for the final Commitment Ceremony, a.k.a Expert John‘s chance to blast Harrison one last time….
Melinda and Layton
Hoooo boy. These guys needed to break up eight weeks ago — which is sad because they’re actually pretty cute together when they’re not counting down the days between arguments.
Melinda pours her heart out in front of the Experts, reminiscing about the time when she first refused to take part in the Couple Swap with Layton joining her in solidarity before she changed her mind and had a sort of OK time with Harrison…
The Bride was frustrated because LayLay couldn’t see her point of view, and Expert John called him out for trying to control everything.
He then forced the Groom to realise that he needs to let his guard down and really “hear” what his wife has been banging on about all season.
Layton’s decision: Stay (“with two ‘x’s'”)
Melinda’s decision: Stay (“with ‘xoxo'”)
Tahnee and Ollie
Simply put, to me, they are perfect.
However, for the first time on the couch, a teeny tiny little crack appeared when Ollie admits he felt insecure when Tahnee hung out with Rupert for three days. He then admitted he often doesn’t feel good enough in life, which is absolutely an abomination since he is a perfect human specimen!
Tahnee then reassures him by saying he’s more than good enough, and in the words of Fix You by Coldplay, “Tearssss stream down (y)our face…”.
The couple realise that they need to vocalise their feelings rather than just showing it in other ways and Expert John commends Ollie for being “brave” and “vulnerable”.
Tahnee’s decision: Stay
Ollie’s decision: Stay
Rupert and Evelyn
There’s three people in Rupert and Evelyn’s relationship. Rupert, Evelyn and… Harrison.
Instead of discussing their own romantic pairing, Evelyn decides to rip Harry a new one, pulling him up on his meddlesome ways.
“Harrison, I think everyone can agree you’ve made comments about everyone on this couch in regards to their relationship,” she said before he defended himself like a five-year-old and said that “everyone made comments about US”.
After Evelyn interjects, he says: “That’s what you signed up for, love…” And no, no, no, no, NO.
Melinda then pipes up to call out Har…— we don’t even want to say his name anymore — that guy for “bullying” and Lyndall joins in before he says: “Give it a rest!”
“You enjoy this,” Evelyn then says. “I really do think you enjoy this.”
“You’re a grown man talking to females. Have some respect,” Melinda says before that guy up there ^ interrupts and says: “Oh, don’t play the sex card. Grow up!”. AND BRO. Please.
Evelyn then calls his behaviour “hurtful”.
When Expert Mel decides she’s had enough of hearing the “H word”, she pulls Evelyn and Rupert back to what they’re here for. Each other.
Evelyn then admits that she’d like to be “courted” by Rupert more….like she is in the 1940s.
Evelyn’s decision: Stay
Rupert’s decision: Stay
After the decision, Evelyn had some choice words for the man who does not deserve a name.
Lyndall and Cameron
Lyndall and Cameron are the next to sit on the couch of doom, and while we already know how their story ends, the Experts wanna hear all the juicy details of the week.
Because he only communicates in one way, Cameron is adamant that he can’t give up his work commitments for love, meaning Lyndall will have to be the one to compromise.
Lyndall shares how she is feeling and says it’s a lot Cameron is asking of her. She then admits that she’s scared of bringing up the future, i.e. making it IRL official, because of how she thinks, nay, knows he’s going to react.
Cam says he just sees things in “black and white”, which is disappointing because the world is 100% in technicolour, but also acknowledges that he can change how he speaks.
Cameron’s decision: Stay
Lyndall’s decision: Stay
Duncan and Alyssa
Honestly, we wince every time Alyssa interacts with Prince Charming Duncan.
Duncan reveals how broken he was when Alyssa got up and left the experiment for a few days after the Couple Swap and the fact that she refuses to hear ANYTHING he is saying.
She then says she feels “blindsided” by the revelation because appaz he never told her how he was feeling.
Firstly, this is not only confusing but concerning, and secondly, someone needs to turn their listening ears on!
Duncan’s decision: Stay
Alyssa’s decision: Stay
Bronte and Harrison That Guy
Give us strength! Should we really have to recap this part? To absolutely no surprise, That Guy and Bronte both decide to stay. The end.
The H word — who truly has no concept of reality — reveals that he had to put boundaries to “hold Bronte accountable” for HER behaviour. Honestly, we are so f**ked off by this man, we have zero tolerance for him anymore.
Apparently, he is annoyed that she talks poorly about him… and gets upset… and expresses that she ain’t putting up with toxic BS… and is living… that that he has had to put in “boundaries”. And Okkkk, bro.
After he’s questioned by Expert Mel if the same “boundaries” are put in place on his end, he lies out of his ass and says “absolutely”.
Bronte then says that Lyndall told her that her own husband had called her a “gaslighter” and “fake” before Melinda — his former arch nemesis turned couple swap partner — asks him if it’s true.
“I do not recall. Maybe? I dunno. Maybe I said it and am now saving myself,” he says. Well, he didn’t, but WE wish he’d take some accountability for his truly heinous behaviour.
Melinda, who does not want a bar of him today, calls him out. Again.
As per our previous email, the couple chooses to stay — which is toxic goddamn sh**, in our opinion and the rest of the participants give ’em hell…which causes That Guy to pipe up and fight back.
Bronte’s decision: Stay
Harrison’s That Guy’s decision: Stay
SMDH just like Expert John… and Tahnee, whose reaction is all of us at this point.
And that’s what you missed….
Watch Married At First Sight on Sundays at 7.00 pm and Monday – Wednesday at 7.30 pm on Nine and 9Now.
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