It’s Married At First Sight (MAFS) 2025 Couples Retreat time! We’ve heard that there’s a fight between Jamie and Lauren, so let’s get right into a recap.
Lauren is nervous about heading to Byron Bay with the other couples because she has decided she hates everyone on this show—and just about anything that exists.
She acts as if she is not also on the show that breeds influencers and clout-chasers, as if these people are somehow different from her.
“It’s embarrassing to be associated with them and be included in the conversations they have,” Lauren says about her fellow co-stars.
To be fair, her disgust towards “Adrian trying to talk with his tongue” made me giggle, mainly because Adrian claimed the cast could understand him perfectly.
Clint tries to cheer Lauren up by asking what positives she could take from going on the retreat right before offering her his lint roller. Bless this man.
As soon as the couples flock into the Airbnb like a bunch of wild animals, Jacqui asks the other girls whether or not their husbands prioritise the gym over their vagina.
The confused crowd demands more information, so Jacqui informs them that Ryan won’t have sex with her if he’s saving his testosterone for the gym.
Jamie tells Beth she loves Big Dave, right before it becomes the Ryan and Jacqui show again.
Ryan has now decided that his sex life with Jacqui is not the type of conversation that should be had in a group setting. He’s got to be fucking kidding me. Not because I disagree, but because he is a raging hypocrite.
He has pulled Jacqui away to tell her she’s been a very bad girl but she can’t take this (or him) seriously. So he ups the ante, telling her if she shares their sex life again then their excuse of a relationship is done.
Beth has joined the chat, telling Ryan it seems like he would rather save his energy for the iron than for Jacqui’s (insert a non-cringe name for vagina here). Ryan calls her classless because he is a donkey.
Lauren appears to be icked out, once again, over Clint’s choice in alcoholic beverage. Teejay has decided he deserves some airtime and jumps in to question Lauren’s alpha male needs.
Lauren tells Teejay that she wants to do the dishes for someone who is out “doing deals” and “hustling” — someone “she looks up to” and respects. Ouch.
Veronica and Jamie suggest that perhaps Clint’s comfort with doing things not traditionally understood as masculine actually makes him the most masculine. I agree with this.
Lauren wakes up and decides she wants to leave, but not because of Carina‘s dying goose laugh. She also tells Rhi that it was CLINT who wanted to leave the experiment and that CLINT brought it up.
Whatever Jacqui was doing to Ryan worked because she managed to have sex with her husband this morning. I guess there’s no weights at this Airbnb. I also guess there’s enough testosterone left for him to tell Teejay what Beth said to him about Jacqui’s…pussy? I think Beth said pussy. I cannot be sure.
Teejay reminds Ryan about his fellatio comment weeks prior before diverting the conversation to a collective understanding that Clint’s a catch. All the boys joining in to support this comment is so bloody wholesome.
Not so wholesome is Lauren rejecting the women’s advice. She thinks they’re all bogans, and therefore, their opinions don’t matter. I can’t tell if I want to remove a stick from her ass or save all her insults for a later date.
