It’s episode one of Love Island Australia 2023 and while we’re experiencing some hectic climate change here in Australia, inside the Mallorcan villa, things are heating up!
Before the drama begins, we gotta meet the spicy new singles looking for love.
Enter the girls: Tia, Savanah, Tyra, Kirra and Nakia.
Sophie Monk arrives in a Rav 4, with a number plate “da monk” which truly is Kween behaviour, before she asks the girls what “era” they’re in.
Tyra reveals she’s in her “f**k it era”, which is truly relatable for the end of October and the others are all like: “We’re in our, ‘I don’t give a damn what ppl say about me'” era… that is until they check they’re DMs after the show.
Enter the boys: Trent, Zac, Ben, Ollie and Nate.
As the boys arrive one by one, the girls sip on bubbles and grill them.
First up is Zac. He’s a Kiwi. He does push-ups and winks at the camera… probably an exact portrayal of what he does in the mirror TBH. He also likes girls with darker features.
He’s also a jokester who is “unemployed and still lives with [his] parents”… Thankfully, he is kidding.
Next up is Ben who likes to kiss his muscles and says “As a King, I’m looking for a Queen”. He’s also a 22-year-old model, which definitely means he is 100% looking to settle down with the love of his life RN…
But….he’s also close with his mum, so he definitely 100% lives with her.
Trent arrives next and he looks… normal?! Like hot, but normal?!
Oh, wait. We spoke too soon. He’s 25 and a country boy who moved to the big smoke to no doubt get laid. He builds tower cranes in Melbourne because he loves “the danger, the high and the adrenaline” so basically, he’s also here looking for love… 🤦
Ollie is up next and he’s from the UK. That’s his whole personality.
“People think I’m an English cheeky lad…” and they’d be right.
Then there’s 24-year-old Nate. He’s a personal trainer so naturally we’re subjected to a montage of him working out…
After the “Hunk Shopping Network” (LOL), it’s time for the first coupling.
The First Coupling
To kick off the new season, there’s one hell of a surprise: the girls are “in charge”.
The boys line up and are asked to step forward if they like a girl they see and while I know this is supposed to be like live Tinder, dear god, it’s so freaking cringe.
While all the boys step forward for Tia and Tyra, no one chooses Kirra…who btw, you may remember as Bronte Schofield’s sister on Married at First Sight. (Yup, the one who tore Harrison Boon to shreds!)
After the first Coupling, the couples are as follows:
There’s a Love Triangle… already
After getting to know each other, it seems Tia and Trent have the most potential as a couple… for now.
“I’m so glad I picked him. F–k yeah, I make good choices!” she says in the Beach Hut; while Trent is already talking about eggs.
“I think I’ve put all my eggs in one basket,” he says.
But alas, this is FBoy Island Love Island after all and Nate has his sights firmly set on Tia and not his new partner, Nakia… so naturally, he pulls her for “a chat”.
While Trent watches on from the balcony above, confident that he’s already bagged his lady, Tia and Nate hit off, talking about…marriage and babies. Sorry, but how old are these people again?!
When questioned by producers later on, Tia admits that there could be something more meaningful with Nate and…uh, are we already going to see our first heartbreak of the season?!
An international Bombshell rocks the Villa
Tia’s pickle is interrupted by “A TEXTTTTTT”!
“Tick, tick, tick boom, the first Bomb is on her way. All the boys to the Firepit,” she reads to the group.
“Bro, imagine if she’s better than whoever you’re with?” Zac says and bro… FORESHADOWING (not the hot part, the wondering eye…).
Naturally, the girls…are pissed.
“Seriously now, we just got here… why do we need a new girl?” Tyra says.
Unfortunately, said new girl is not just any new girl. It’s Love Island UK star Lucinda.
Zac’s draw drops to the flood and admits he’s “fangirling” hard.
“Lucinda is a 10 out of 10, the games have begun and things are going to get crazy…”
And he’s right because in 24 hours Lucinda will steal a boy! Oooooooh!
Love Island Australia Season 5 episodes drop daily from Monday to Thursday at 6pm AEDT, exclusively on 9Now. Stream every episode ever of Love Island UK and Love Island Australia for free on 9Now.
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