If you can bloody well believe it, we’re up to episode nine of FBoy Island Australia 2023 and it’s almost time for Molly, Ziara and Sophie to choose their guys!
But before the decision can be made, it’s graduation time for the dickh**ds FBoys in Limbro! While they may relapse to their godforsaken idiotic ways, they now get to go back to the villa for one last mission! They’re about to “mansplain the s**t” out of the final six!
The “Mansplain”
To recap, the final two guys are as follows:
- Ziara — Winner Izaya and aCToR Cory
- Molly — Cuddle Bear Nick and Big Mouth Vernon a.k.a Vermin
- Sophie — Brown-Eyed (or blue or hazel or whatever) FBoy Joshy and Draco Malfoy a.k.a Justin
Now, that you’re all caught up, let’s spill some piping-hot tea!
“The ghosts of eliminations past have made their way back to the resort,” Abbie Chatfield says. i.e. The Nice Guys are also back from the Grotto for this ridiculous challenge including Brit Benny who is just itching to throw Draco under the bus one last time….
Ziara is “terrified” and frankly, she should be, because we truly have no idea what s**t about to come out of these guys’ mouths.
Molly
Big Mouth Vermin is thrust into the firing line first with Gossip Kween FBoy Mitch bringing up the whole ex saga once again. Did Vermin come onto the island with a GF? Probably. Will he admit it? Non.
Appaz he broke up with said ex three or four months ago, which is weird since he originally told Molly six and Mitch is all like, “Bro, you dumped her for the show”.
Vermin, now red as a beetroot and not because of the sun, says his ex is lying because “she still wants me”, which is basically what every guy who is GUILTY AF says.
Then, doing God’s work, CoNtEnT cReAtoR Lakshya pipes up needing more answers.
“She aksed [sic] to meet up actually,” Vermin said. “I said nah, I’m going on a TV show.”
Turns out he hadn’t seen her, but then had been speaking to her but not sleeping with her, but actually, did sleep with her and now she’s out of his life and frankly, this guy changes his mind more than he exchanges numbers at the Coogee Pav!
“Red flag, red flag, everywhere!” Lakshya concludes and AMEN!
Sophie, furious for Molly, yells at Vermin who then reveals his ex’s name is Brogan.
Wondering Eyes Riccardo then basically says, “Vermin is a hillbilly with a mullet and just marry Nick, already” and let’s move on!
As for Cuddle Bear, the guys are obsessed with him. The end.
“Can Nick do no wrong? Everybody loves him. He’s hot. He’s got a big d**k,” Molly says and that should have been the end of the sentence. However; since she is blinded by VERMIN’S STRAIGHT OUT LIES, she is worried that Nick won’t keep her on her toes. Ugh.
Ziara
“i just hope nothing pisses me off,” she says. LOL. Good luck, babes.
CoNtEnT CrEaToR Clay reveals that Izaya said he would go out in Melbourne “with or without Ziara” and says that he said it was “to pick up chicks”. Basically, he is just sh**-stirring because AS IF Izaya isn’t head over heels for our girl, Z!
“F**k you, Clay,” Izaya says.
Anyway, we don’t care because Grand High FBoy Caleb throws fire at aCtOr Cory. Once a-goddamn-gain the age debacle is brought up and truly, no one gives AF. Except for Caleb, who is “just speaking facts”.
“He’s an actor, he’s an old man and he’s a liar,” Izaya says.
While GHFB is not in contention (praise be), TV Star Sean finally tells erryone what Caleb actually said about Molly and everyone, including Cuddle Bear, is PISSED. Ziara then questions Cory about whyTF he didn’t tell her if he knew. Uh oh!
“There’s a lot of things you haven’t told me,” she says. Ooft.
“Listen baby girl,” he says and Ziara is all like: “Don’t you baby girl me!”
Obviously, not one person claps for Cory, except who the actual eff is James…
Sophie
Finally, Brit Benny has the floor and delivers a black hole to swallow Draco in. He tells him to speak the truth like a “real man” and Sophie just tells him to admit it.
Draco snaps at her and Joshy calls him “rude”.
Once again, he doesn’t admit it, saying it was “misconstrued” although the colour on his face would suggest otherwise….
Meanwhile, Joshy apparently is really funny and may have ticked the wrong box on his application form; however, Sophie is better than both these guys so we’re hoping she doesn’t pick any of them.
“He’s got everyone wrapped around his finger, Abbie included,” Sophie says, concerned that this was just part of Joshy’s plan.
After that chaotic scene, Abbie reveals that all the guys will be moving back into their bunk beds…for one night only.
She then joins the girls at the Villa and they debrief. Molly says that she needs to get to the bottom of Vermin’s lies. This is important. Remember this…
24-Hour Dates
Molly and Vermin
Molly and Vermin go para-gliding and have a cute date before she brings up his ex Brogan again.
Vermin says he has nothing to hide, once again lying straight to her face, saying: “Hopefully you trust me”. LEL.
“Verno being Verno…just smile and wave and you get out of everything,” he tells the cameras. “You just gotta bulls**t your way through it. As long as you can answer a question the way they want [you] to, doesn’t have to be true or not.”
They kiss. Gross.
Draco Justin and Sophie
On their date, Draco feeds grapes to Sophie and we are cursed with a recap of their relationship on the show.
They chat about his blatant attempt at a cover-up and he denies, denies, denies.
Cory and Izaya
Ziara and Cory go horseback riding on the beach for their date. She grills him about all of his bulls**t.
Cory admits that he didn’t want people to know about his age because it’s hard to trust guys, which is freaking weird and also, not a thing.
“I’m truthful…everything is from the heart,” he says, before adding that he did stand up for Molly but “not to her face”. Cool.
Anyway, who cares.
All three ladies have nighttime chats with the three idiots who are clearly not being chosen, and nothing of consequence happens except that the guys say “all the right things” and they all make out. Cool.
The end… until the finale…
FBoy Island Australia 2023 is streaming now on Binge.
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