It’s episode four of FBoy Island Australia 2023 and we’re once again in Limbro, where Eric and Peroxide Justin’s BFF Joey are already so sick of each other that they’ve drawn a literal line in the sand.
Joey, whose only redeeming quality so far has been to barely open his mouth, was thrilled to see Gossip Kween Mitch, Taco Tuesday Mikey (who now shall be known as “no game” Mikey) and cOnTenT CReaTor Lakshya join the hovel.
Once again we have to hear the bulls**t that Mitch is spouting about stache-boy Vernon and we’re just about ready to bury him in the sand.
Painter Nico is on the warpath about peroxide Justin because “he don’t even like her [Sophie] for a start”. Remember this. This is important sh**.
Today’s single date is not a single date at all. It’s a goddamn three-way and they’re surrounded by phallic foods and edibles that remind you of the vajuj…
Grand High FBoy Caleb (who has been suspiciously quiet as of late), whoTAF is James, and cOnTenT CReaTor Clay enjoys a beautiful beach BBQ with the three ladies, promptly stripping down for a swim.
GHFB Caleb tells the cameras he’s “workin'” Ziara (there he is), while she decides she’s “really into” his bullsh**t. No girl. No!
Meanwhile, Sophie and Clay seem to actually hit it off, especially when he admits he’s a mumma’s boy and WhoTAF is James has one-on-one time with Molly. Unfortunately for him, Molly immediately puts him in the friend zone because she only has eyes for sweet, sweet Nick. James is none the wiser, thinking they are soul mates.
Meanwhile, over in Limbro and at the Resort…
Host Abbie Chatfield joins the disregarded boys in Limbro and like a scene from AA, they say who they are and why they have been shunned.
“Hi, I’m Lakshya and it’s been two days since I last had sex,” cOnTenT CReaTor Lakshya says to which Abbie responds: “Lakshya, you’ve been here three days.” He then oddly admits he’s had sex with a coconut, and his new name of ‘Coconutz Lakshya’ is born….
Over in the Resort, da boiz are living their best lives by sipping cocktails and b**ching about each other…except for whoTAF is Riccardo, who is hitting on the bar staff. LOL. When in Rome as they say….
With the three-way date over, the ladies return to the resort for the Mixer. Ziara says she loves a day drinking sesh and don’t we all…
Molly decides to use the time to confront stache-boy Vernon about his alleged ex-girlfriend and basically, he cons her into believing it was all a lie while telling the cameras it wasn’t… FMAL.
When wandering eyes Riccardo sat down with Molly, he basically described her as his dream girl, which as we know is a huge red flag, because he probably said it to the bartender too…
Once again, painter Nico was hating on peroxide Justin, ready to out him for his f**kery ways, which is rich coming from him…also a FBoy. He then tells Sophie what he’s heard before Sophie takes Justin aside.
Justin says “trust me”, which is code word for “don’t” and Sophie is completely confuzzled. After the whole thing is put to bed, painter Nico unleashes on Justin and they yell at each other before Sophie intervenes.
Meanwhile, Ziara is PISSED that her new bae Izaya took Nico aside and didn’t check to see if SHE was OK and love you, babe, but this wasn’t about you.
After the bonkers Mixer, it was time for the elimination and frankly, we cannot wait to get rid of some of these men.
The girls arrive looking stun; however, Molly is suspiciously glowy… she has a surprise for everyone and we are THRILLED.
When asked how she was feeling, she says: “I’m actually feeling pretty good tonight,” before admitting that she went to the Nice Guy Grotto and brought sweet sweet Nick back with her.
UMMMM WUT?! Is this even allowed?
Firstly, we have questions. Does this mean he wins? But if they get the money, he’s obvi going to split it?! Secondly, GOOD. FOR. HER! You rectify those mistakes, bebe!!!
After everyone is positively shooketh, it’s time for the womens to choose their bottom two.
Ziara chooses Simon and…. wait for it…Izaya because he didn’t pay her enough attention (relatable, TBF) and Sophie chooses sh*t stirring Nico and peroxide Justin because she doesn’t know who to believe in their whole saga. Molly chooses friend-zoned James and Sir-Flirt-A lot Riccardo, who was…heartbroken?!
COnTenT CReaTor Clay then stands up and tells Molly that Riccardo was hitting on the bar staff and seriously, you cannot make this sh** up. Sophie loves that Clay stood up for Molly which is weird because every time a man stands up for them on this show, they get the ol’ heave ho.
Sophie decides to send Nico home, while Ziara chooses Simon and Molly says goodbye to….wait.
Since Molly welcomed Nick back to the resort, there would now be a double elimination.
“I don’t know about you, but she loves him…she likes him,” James says through ACTUAL TEARS. WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF IS HAPPENING?!
Molly chooses to send them both home, saving sweet sweet Nick in the process.
As for who is an FBoy. Hold onto your goddamn hats because Nico, Simon AND Riccardo were all in it for the money, while in no surprise to anyone, James was a Nice Guy!
What a goddamn sh**tshow and we are LIVING FOR IT!
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