Just ten days after the Yummy Mummies graced our screens for the first time, the fourth episode has shown a rapid decline in viewership, dropping by 41% since its premiere.
I have to admit that even I forgot it was on television, and it’s my job to watch it. The novelty of watching these ‘normal’ people do ‘normal’ things has worn very thin in just under a fortnight.
One could blame the poor ratings on the fact that Game of Thrones premiered its seventh season the night before, and considering Foxtel’s intense streaming failure, the episode was probably still buffering while Yummy Mummies aired.
But Episode 4 saw the same immature interactions between Lorinska, Jane and Rachel (like Lorinska laughing hysterically at breast pumps) and the pure cringe that is Maria and Carlos’ entire relationship as the episodes before.
Maria and Carlos arrive at the Palazzo Versace (on the Gold Coast!) for their babymoon. Maria makes sure to remind everyone they are in the most expensive room in the hotel, The Imperial Suite, before getting ready for a sexy, pool-side maternity photo shoot. And who should be the photographer for such an event? It’s Margherita’s brother Shane.
In true Yummie Mummies fashion, things get weird real quick. Maria strips down to her bikini while Uncle Shane gives her pointers on how to seductively show off Valentina (the name of her unborn child and/or baby bump) and it is nothing short of creepy.
Meanwhile, at a farm in Collingwood, the Melbourne mums are helping Lorinska face her fear of breastfeeding by making her milk a cow. How do they think of this stuff? Lorinska is disgusted at the sight and smell of animals, as well as being in Collingwood, and is upset that she got sheep poo on her designer shoes. Jane brought her son Jagger (yes, Jagger) along and he watches in horror and confusion as Lorinska squeals in response to the cow mooing, followed by getting whipped in the face by its tail. It’s lucky that Jagger is at the children’s hobby farm, otherwise it would just be weird.
After the photo shoot, Maria and Carlos return to their room and Maria suspects her water has broken. Now, I’m no expert but I think the general rule for oncoming labour is to go to the hospital. Instead, she calls Marg and speaks to her work colleague to ask what it means that her water broke. She is shocked to find out that this means a baby is coming.
Back in Melbourne, Jane and Lorinska are enjoying massages in the beauty salon owned by Jane’s celebrity hairdresser husband, when Lorinska starts voicing some weird shower thoughts like, “do you always wear undies?” Jane quickly changes the subject to Lorinska’s upcoming baby shower which Maria
has been invited to. Lorinska brings up the Instagram photo that everyone has forgotten about: her standing next to a Range Rover as a fake push present, and says how Maria has made a little joke into something “bigger than Ben-Hur.” Bigger than Ben-Hur, really? I thought she’d be more concerned about losing her >20k followers from the recent Instagram bug.
Uncle Shane and Aunty Val have arrived at the Palazzo Versace to comfort a rather emotionless Maria. On the phone to a midwife she finds out that she is unable to fly home to Adelaide with her waters broken and is finally starting to panic. I thought giving birth in The Imperial Suite would be one of Maria’s top locations, second to Donatella Versace’s driveway.
Lorinska’s super controversial Instagram post has inspired Jane to get a Range Rover. We are introduced to Jane’s husband Joey, who looks like the poster boy for Melbourne and it is now completely clear why their son is called Jagger. When told the car will cost them $150,000, you can almost see Joey’s heart break at the thought of cutting back on soy avo-lattes.
Back on the Gold Coast, Maria decides it’s time to kick herself into gear and get to a hospital. But rather than travelling in an ambulance like some common peasant, she cruises to the emergency room in Uncle Shane’s convertible. The episode ends with the midwife indicating that Valentina is in position ready to come out and Maria has another breakdown, this time because she doesn’t have her matching Burberry outfits.
As much as I want to see how Maria handles caring for a human being, I’m not holding my breath to see if the show gets any more airtime.