Desire Into Discourse: Meet Mistress Ava

I am sitting at my desk in front of my MacBook. The Sex and the City theme song has just played and Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice is narrating what I type. When my friends and I had sleepovers when we […]

I am sitting at my desk in front of my MacBook. The Sex and the City theme song has just played and Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice is narrating what I type. When my friends and I had sleepovers when we were 16 and smoked cigarettes (that we’d pinched from our parents) each time Carrie sparked up one of her own Marlboro lights, never did I imagine that one day I would be sitting at my desk typing my very own sex column.

Source: Giphy

Before I dive into the exciting stuff, I should tell you a bit about myself and what led me to be a modern day Carrie Bradshaw of sorts (not that I’m anything like Carrie Bradshaw, and I hope my column will be a little more exciting than hers). I am a 25-year-old white, cisgender (meaning I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth), pansexual (meaning I am attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity) woman.  I am a university student studying neuroscience and gender studies and I am a professional dominatrix. This last part tends to make most people curious, so I’ll answer some common questions:

How did you come to be a professional dominatrix?

A couple of years ago I decided to put advertisements on Craigslist and Backpage to sell my worn underwear for an extra few dollars. Someone local responded and said they wanted to come over and do my chores, be humiliated by me, and pay me $300 for the pleasure. Being a poor uni student, I thought ‘all I have to do is tell this guy to wash my dishes, clean my toilet and be mean to him, and I`ll earn more money than I would in a day as a bartender – done deal! I was so scared I might not be mean enough. He wanted me to spit on him and I’d never spat on a person. But the second I did, he said, “Thank you, Goddess.” As it splattered all over his face and dripped down to his lips, he licked it up and it felt good. I knew this was for me.

Do you enjoy what you do or are you just in it for the money?

If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t do it. Let’s be real here: if someone doesn’t enjoy what they’re doing, it shows. I’ve worked a variety of shitty jobs and never lasted more than a year in any of them. I am not the kind of person who can survive doing something I don’t like for long, regardless of how much money is involved. So many people say what I do is ‘easy money’, but I assure you it is not. When I calculated how much time and money I spend putting up ads, keeping up to date on all my social media platforms, making clips, doing my make-up, buying necessary clothing, taking photos and planning sessions, I

end up working the same hours as two full time jobs. Earning $300 for an hour-long session and other financial gifts along the way might seem great at first glance, but I put in a lot of work to earn that. If it was just about the money, I’d do something that I wasn’t so personally invested in. That way I could leave my work at work.

Shoes GIF
The preparation for this line of work is very involved (source: Giphy)

Do you have sex with your clients?

I most certainly do not (but I don’t have a problem with anyone who does). As a pro-domme (professional dominatrix), I like to explore less typical forms of erotic arousal and play. Many of those who come to me already get sex from their girlfriend, wife or one-night stands. They come to me for a safe space to explore their more taboo fantasies. I mean, asking your wife for sex is easy, but asking the love of your life to spit on you, slap you across the face and tell you you’re a pathetic loser who isn’t even worthy of licking her dirty feet is a lot harder. This is where I come in. I am not here to offer affection or intimacy to clients. I am here to offer something that’s often a bit too hard to ask someone you’re close to.

It can be hard to discuss alternate eroticism with someone you`re close to (source: Giphy)

Now given this, I’m sure you’re all wondering: If you don’t have sex with your clients, why are you writing a sex column? Just because I don’t have sex with my clients it doesn’t mean I don’t have sex at all. In fact, I am very sexually active and have been for the better part of a decade. That said, this column isn’t strictly about sex for me, but more for discussing everything that surrounds sex and other arousing activities, as taboo as they may be. Over the coming months I hope to be able to discuss a variety of things with you, using my education and personal experience, as well as some tid-bits from others, to give you a well-rounded perspective on some titillating topics.

If you have any questions you’d like answered or topics you would like me to cover I’d love to hear them.