Cadbury's Unity Bar

Wouldn’t it be nice if the world wasn’t full of racism? Cadbury has the answer!

Our world can be a horrible place filled with bigoted, racist individuals who don’t deserve to see the light of day. Racism is a massive issue with strands of this hatred running rampant across the world. However, with more people speaking out against those who share their prejudice for race in public, we can see that society is becoming more tolerant and respectful. Of course, people still face discrimination around the world, but wouldn’t it be nice if the world could be made a better place by using a multicoloured chocolate bar? Cadbury thinks so! Willy Wonka has turned over in his chocolate filled, candy encrusted grave. Charlie is going to have a lot of work to do.


Willy Wonka chocolate


It’s called Cadbury’s ‘Unity Bar’. Whether you enjoy this campaign or want to boycott Cadbury chocolate in its entirety, it’s a win-win. On one hand, you can enjoy a campaign which is representative of a company trying to cash in on equity and money with chocolate, or you don’t eat chocolate thus making your diet to get that summer body so much easier.


Twitter users and keyboard warriors across the globe have been mentioning that a chocolate bar shouldn’t have a place in politics and that it should stay in its own lane. Listen people, I’ve been saying the same shit about the red headed dragon lady – better known as Pauline Hanson – for years,  and shit all has happened. When I think about chocolate, I think about the hidden agenda behind it. Blinky Bill was definitely a communist from Germany trying to infiltrate our Australian shores, smuggling Karamello inside himself, going under the alias of ‘The Karamello Koala’ to fool us all. And it worked, we ate it up. Literally. 


Karamello Koala political agenda


Politics aside, there is a clear argument that Cadbury may only be doing this to cash in on the growing favour of being ‘woke’. Look, I’m all in for this new style of chocolate as long as Cadbury doesn’t bring back their Vegemite flavour, because its colour on the way out was definitely a diverse kind of creation.


To be completely honest here, I love the promotion of diversity with a chocolate bar like this. It makes so much sense to slowly transition colours, segregating them in an order that looks distinctly familiar to society’s hierarchical way of distinguishing the placement of different races. But also, it looks kinda pretty; so I’ll still probably eat it and enjoy the rich cocoa taste. 


Personally, white chocolate is my favourite, and that is not my inner white privileged ass coming out (I’ve already done that once – ha, a gay joke so you can empathise with me). So, I love that they’ve put white chocolate on the top to represent white supremacy in the chocolate world. However, it also makes me wonder: if this chocolate was truly diverse, why not marble the chocolate to represent the melting pot that is our world full of melding diverse cultures and ways of life? Of course, white chocolate would still be on the top though.



dairy milk Cadbury chocolate bar eating


You see, I’m honestly kind of here for snacking my way to a more diverse world. I can imagine someone being racist on a train and another passenger whips out their Cadbury Unity Bar, bitch slapping the racist bigot across the face in a truly dramatic fashion. True justice with just the right amount of violence – plus snacks for after to celebrate. I believe everyone should be equipped with one of these chocolate bars because you never know when you might need to lay some diversity on some racist people’s asses. However, this might end badly if SJWs begin to fashion these chocolate bars into shanks of some kind to attack those they deem to be unworthy.


Homer Simpson snacking


I’m also extremely excited to see the beauty youtuber community use this new chocolate bar as a form of palette for their new tutorials. Watch out makeup brands, a new style of chocolate foundation is going to be out of this world compared to your 100 shades of colours.


I, for one, am extremely excited to taste this ‘Unity’ bar just so I can become a more diverse and well-rounded person while stopping racism one chocolate bar at a time. That’s how it works, right? May Willy Wonka bless all of our souls. Amen.


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