Round two of this mess we call Married At First Sight opens with the two couples who were married in last night’s episode. Melissa and Bryce tell a MAFS producer that they had indeed slept together the night before, which has got to be a wild thing to admit for someone with Melissa’s levels of anxiety. In a move that will surprise nobody, Rebecca and Jake slept separately.
This episode gave us three more weddings.
Samantha gets a montage to tell us that she was married for almost 10 years, and found out that her husband had been cheating on her for half of that time when she found a pile of his SIM cards in the garage from all his different numbers.
The experts decide to match her with crane operator Cam, who shares the same ‘country values’ as they put it.
These two seem fine, I guess.
Moving on, we get to Booka and Brett. Booka plays in a metal band and is a psychology graduate so naturally, the experts pair her with Brett. Brett is the one in the velvet suit in all the promo shots and is also studying psychology.
Again, these two seem fine.
And then we get to the trainwreck of the evening, and surprise, surprise – Coco is involved once again.
Coco has been paired with a dude named same who has a very distinct early-2000s Eminem look about him.
“Hopefully he’s wanting to be the Kanye to my Kim! Let’s build an empire!” Coco yells. This was obviously pre-recorded, but the fact that it aired mere days after Kim and Kanye announced their divorce is just * chef’s kiss *
“You’ve gotta have a little somethin’ somethin’ in you — there’s a little jalapeño spice. Mmm. A little chilli. Arrabbiata sauce,” she continues.
Sam’s most notable quotes are “If I’m into her, I’m into her. And if I’m not, it’ll be pretty hard to hide,” and “She’s gotta have decent boobs.” So that’s great.
At the alter, Coco seems way too into this, and Sam does not seem into this at all. This energy continues throughout the rest of the wedding and into the reception, where Sam finally says to her that “Saying out there and outlandish things at inappropriate times is never fun.”
This is almost certainly a reference to the fact that she threatened to quote WAP in her vows.
With the wind firmly taken out of Coco’s sails, the episode ends, and we’re left to wonder how the hell it’s even possible that there are more Married At First Sight weddings left.