When I was a kid, being a grown up meant getting to eat ice-cream for dinner and staying up super late. Unfortunately, no one told me that hitting maturity wasn’t going to be all doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Here is a list of the worst of adulthood …please send help.
- Paying for shit so you don’t die or become homeless.
Rent, electricity, phone bills, internet (instead of mooching off your parents), food, clothes (and not because you want them, but because your jeans wore out on the inner thighs), the list goes on.
For the bank, for groceries at the supermarket …there’s just so much queuing.
- Making your own appointments.
Your mum either can’t do it because you don’t live at home or she won’t because she’s trying to teach you responsibility and so you’re forced to ring the doctors yourself or potentially die from the minor- or possibly major- illness you have.
- Having the responsibility of not breeding because you’re just not adult enough yet
You’re sort of an adult, you do the sex things, but you don’t want to breed because “fuck that” you’re poor and have too much binge drinking to do before any of that, and so you actually have to factor into your daily life not getting knocked up or getting people knocked up. You have to do things like buy/take birth control or get things inserted into your body (sorry to be graphic). Or if you’re a boy you have to buy condoms and get that weird awkward look from the cashier. But you get to have the sex, so congrats on that.
- Your body hurts
You’re 20 and you have joint pain. Why is that? Is it because you just drank two bottles of moscato or is it because you’ve been standing up at work all day and now your knees have locked into place. Either way, your joints are betraying you way earlier than you thought they would.
- Household chores
And your mum isn’t going to do it. If you live out of home, you have to wash up and vacuum otherwise you’ll get blacklisted from renting ever again or end up living in a pile of your own filth and none of your friends will visit you anymore.
- Needing coffee to survive but not because it tastes good
You start to judge people who get weird flavouring in their lattes and before you have coffee on what you know is going to be a testing day you are Satan incarnate. It’s worth the heart palpitations, you need the caffeine to live.