It’s time for the first Married at First Sight dinner party for 2021, and it’s exactly as chaotic as you’d expect.

We open with Patrick and Belinda, although they’re less cheesy and bubbly than when we saw them last. Maybe it’s the whole “having to stare at a total stranger / your new spouse while they pee because the toilet is out in the open” thing.

Anyway, on to the dinner party!

Alana and Jason have apparently had a massive fight and are the first to show up at the party, which is unfortunate because that makes it incredibly obvious that they aren’t speaking. The experts say that there are “alarm bells going off,” and honestly how do these people come up with such deep and thoughtful comments?

Everyone else filters in, and Samantha enters alone while telling anyone in earshot that Cam “left me on the honeymoon. Wait until you hear the full story” and “I never ever imagined I’d be walking into the first dinner party by myself.” In fairness, I’ve never imagined that either but probably for very different reasons.

Bec is also whinging loudly about Jake, who is being far more patient than she deserves him to be. “He needs validation all the time, and affection,” she complains. “And I’m like, you haven’t bothered to get to know me and you’re trying to shove your tongue down my throat? I need a foundation of friendship and banter. Honestly, I didn’t laugh the entire honeymoon. There is no chemistry going on between us.”

Jake calls her “borderline rude” and I’ve never seen the word borderline do so much lifting in a sentence. 

Samantha is still going on (and on and on) about Cam leaving her, and Cam (who has apparently shown up at this point) defends himself by saying “the honesty box came out and I was honest.” He’s not wrong, but he’s not right either.

Meanwhile, Coco’s husband Sam the boob dude starts asking all the guys who they think the hottest woman is. This is completely expected, but normally we get to at least week 3 before the cheating starts. 

All the other guys are awkward as hell, and Sam starts going on about how not-his-wife Alana is the hottest with the best boobs. Which as we know, is important to this manchild.

The experts are shocked as if this wasn’t all their doing. In fact, they realise that they may actually have gotten themselves into a situation where the only people who would stay in the experiment if they held a commitment ceremony today are Patrick and Belinda, and hours of interpretive dancing does not a season of Married At First Sight make.

So they announce they’re scrapping this week’s commitment ceremony and instead making them all live with their partner. John Aiken gives some sciency-sounding reason, but we all know it’s so we can watch the couples fight in a kitchen.