I won’t lie, a lot of this episode of Nine’s Married At First Sight is a repeat of last night’s sex exercises. It is intimacy week after all.
We check in with Bryce and Melissa, and it turns out that it’s Bryce’s turn to throw a hissy fit and walk out. It’s all because when Bryce asked Melissa what she was wearing, she replied “clothes.” He has declared her a smart arse and bounced because she hurt his feelings.
All this man has done is insult her for two weeks, and he’s upset? It feels like watching Sam and Coco at the rank-everyone’s-hotness game all over again.
Finally, Melissa shows some semblance of a spine when he gets back.
“Over the last few weeks, it’s been extremely challenging. Extremely. And I haven’t got upset over things like, things over my appearance. But how you react, how you shut down and you don’t talk to me, that’s what upsets me,” she says.
Bryce, ever the helpful dude, replies “You take it how you want, but that’s me telling you.”
Russell and Beth are talking about sex, because again, it’s intimacy week and I guess we’ll never escape.
“I like toys, I’ve watched porn with partners, I’ve talked to friends about threesomes. I don’t mind a bit of exploration into tantra,” says Beth.
Russell isn’t sure what to do with this information and pulls this face.
“I guess with me I’m kinda into pedestrian sorta stuff. Me and the chick. Don’t know much about the toy side. I’m useless with knots so ropes is out of the question. Sex for me is like going to the supermarket. We can go low and slow.”
In Alana and Jason’s room, Alessandra has them doing the eye-gazing exercise, except they have to do it while holding each other’s genitals. As the entire country watches these two cup each other and stare, Jason cries a bit and honestly, same.
Later, Jason tries to make dinner for Alana, and Christ almighty this 35 year old man does not know how to make pasta. The world has let far too many of these men go from their mother’s house to their girlfriend/wife, and all of a sudden they’re 35 (or older!) and can’t boil pasta. It’s a tragedy.
James and Jo have been given the box of things that Booka and Brett were given last time, and Jo gives James the world’s most unappealing massage. Speaking of Booka and Brett, those two get the 10-minute makeout exercise.
Bec and Jake have to look at each other and laugh for 10 minutes, and somehow this is even more painful to watch than Booka’s bad Russian accent. Jake reckons this was his “worst nightmare” and I’m with him.
Anyway, we end with Coco and Cam together at a bar flirting heavily. Cam asks if Coco has done any of the intimacy week activities with Sam, and Coco says she’d rather stick hot needles in her eyes, which I can’t really blame her for.
Coco asks how things are going with Samantha and Cam says “it’s hard sleeping in the same bed as her… would’ve been easier if you were there.”
Tomorrow is the dinner party, so get ready to toss some wine.