married at first sight
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Married At First Sight EP1: A dramatic start to the season

Just like that, it’s once again time to jump on the wild ride that is Married at First Sight.

This season John Aiken and Mel Shilling return to the panel of experts, but Trisha Stratford has jumped ship and been replaced with Alessandra Rampolla – a sexologist who warns the couples that “It’s gonna be super awkward at times,” as if this was new information.

And so we meet our new singles, as they get to know each other on their last night of singledom. The guys head out to a bucks party and the women off to their hens, where everybody is pleasant to each other and gets along swimmingly.

I’m kidding. This is Married at First Sight, remember?

Coco decides to try out a catchphrase, “They gotta ride the ol’ Coco wave! Surf’s up, baby!” It doesn’t quite land, but this is only episode one. That’s not what Coco is going to be remembered for tonight though, because in the course of conversation for the evening she learns that single mum and property developer Samantha’s ex-husband and father of her kids is 16 years older than her.

For those playing along at home, Samantha was 17 when she got with a 33-year-old man.

Thus we get our first confrontation of the series. Coco says “call the judge! That’s a bit red hot isn’t it?” while Samantha tries not to cry and runs to the other girls before deciding that they have to make sure Coco won’t steal their husbands.

The buck’s night is far less dramatic. Frankly, all of the men seem normal enough so far.

We finally get to the first two marriages on the season. Melissa has been single since she was 19 and has never actually been on a date. She also suffers from crippling social anxiety, which I’m sure is a good mix with reality TV. She’s marrying Bryce, a confident radio host who was engaged to his long-term girlfriend six months ago. What could possibly go wrong?

The second wedding is between ex-AFL player and charity CEO Jake, and Rebecca, a woman who for some reason decides to brand herself as a “sasshole.” It’s as bad as it sounds, and this is for sure going to get worse.

Immediately Rebecca is mad about the fact that Jake isn’t wearing a tie, bites his nails, and doesn’t have perfect teeth. He smiles at her, and she gets mad that he looked at her like “sex on a stick”. 

But a few hours later, Rebecca decides to let everyone know that she and Jake have “turned a corner”. Because they’ve been through so much already, you know?