Married at First Sight
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Everything wrong (so far) with this season of Married at First Sight

I have very few regrets in my life, but one of them is getting sucked into the dramatic, fiery hell-hole that is Married at First Sight. After conscientiously objecting to the first five seasons (with same-sex marriage still being deemed “unholy” and all) I was convinced by my roommates that this would be a fun household activity.


And while judging people’s life choices and gushing over the cuteness of Jules and Cam is a rather pleasant experience, the sheer bull-shittery of this season’s poorly spun narratives are making me a worse person each minute. Also: THE CLIVE PALMER ADS NEVER STOP, but that’s another story.


Having never seen the show before, the premise took me a while to get used to. Why are people forced to stay in these “marriages” when they request to leave? How does Channel 9 afford 11 harbourside apartments in this economy?


But I was able to boil this burning hatred to a few key elements that MAFS has focused on for this season.


Ines is a monster, Lizzie did not need to apologise, and Mel should not have disciplined Bronson


Ines Married at First Sight


If you’ve been lucky enough to miss out on Ines’ toxicity, she greeted her husband Bronson by demanding he take out his eyebrow ring. Since then, she’s emotionally and verbally abused him, not let him speak and even threatened to cut the ropes while he parasailed. At the commitment ceremony, Ines continued her onslaught of abuse, swearing at Bronson, referring to him as “that” and “it” as well as saying “I don’t want him f—ing touching me, I don’t want him in the same room as me.” As far as what has been shown on the show, Bronson has done nothing to instigate this abuse.


When Bronson finally spoke up at the commitment ceremony to calmly explain that Ines’s mood can never be predicted, some ambiguous bleeping covered up what viewers could only assume was the dropping of a few C-Bombs. That’s where “relationship expert” Mel drew the line, apparently. She told Bronson that he should never use language like that if he wanted a relationship with a woman, and then schooled him on showing some respect. Meanwhile, not a single word was muttered to Ines about her hideous behaviour. Since the episode aired, a petition to have the expert fired has reached 54,000 signatures.


To top it all off, both Lizzie and Jules jumped up to defend Bronson against Ines, only for Liz to have a breakdown the next day, rush to the shops for a block of chocolate and APOLOGISE TO INES for her own behaviour, citing her “female empowerment.” INES. IS. NOT. THE. FACE. OF. FEMININE. POWER. She is a bully and her actions should be disciplined, not defended.


Lauren didn’t “use to be a lesbian”, she’s bisexual. Or is she?


Lauren Married at First Sight


Did the backlash from Brooke’s “bombshell” on last year’s season of The Bachelor teach commercial TV producers nothing? Being bisexual is not a bombshell, and it shouldn’t be built up as some disgusting confession. Secondly, Lauren’s wording that she “used to be” a lesbian implies that sexuality is a choice, a trend, or something that can be fixed.


A person who is genuinely attracted to both sexes would not say they “used to be” homosexual (and if you identify as bi, please correct me if I’m wrong!) so one must assume that this was a line fed to her by producers. It’s a slap in the face to bisexual people who are constantly defending their sexuality. It’s a SPECTRUM, y’all. Grow up.


Matt was a virgin. Now he’s an ex-virgin. This is how sex works, it’s not a personality trait.


Matt Married at First Sight


Everyone on the planet (and I cannot stress this enough) is either a virgin or an ex-virgin. It is not a unique characteristic of 29-year-old videographer Matthew. Videography is a cool job! Why haven’t we heard anything about his projects? Why are the producers constantly objectifying Matt as someone who hadn’t had sex, who now has had sex? Any show that constantly brought up a woman’s sex life would be pulled from the prime-time TV slot. So why is it okay to constantly focus on his?


As much as I hate the person I have become from watching this absolute drivel, it has now become a ritual within my household and I’m too scared to ask for my money back from the Sunday night pizza-kitty. The good news is, Married at First Sight has hit embarrassingly new lows, and can’t possibly get any worse from here. Or can it? In the meantime – I’ll put all my faith in humanity in Jules and Cam’s love.


Photo Courtesy of Marie Claire Australia