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Bachelor Recap S5 E14: Family visits destroy Matty J

Well, our Bachelor Matty J is down to his final four girls. We’ve finally arrived at home town visits and the girls are happy that they can finally show Matty their own dysfunctional families.

We start off with the one and only (winner) Tara. We meet her in a place that is usually filled with lots of children and apparently The Bachelor. Tara is there with a huge grin and wipes away all the sugar like substance from her mouth before she kisses Matty to say hello. THEY’RE AT BLOODY MOVIE WORLD.

Tara just loves taking boys to her lair. Source.

Even though the date planning has been left out of Matty’s very capable hands, we still hear a girl screaming for help and Matty clearly enjoying himself. Is there something wrong here? Nah.

The two eventually turn up at Tara’s home and are greeted with Tara’s nephews and nieces, whom seem cute and sweet. The smallest of the three asks Matty if the two are in love to which Matty replies with, in short, “I dunno.”

Tara fighting off her competition. Source.

The small child then asks if Matty is single and if Aunty Tara will be the bridesmaid at her and Matty’s wedding. Matty declines, realising the serious implications of a relationship with a child. The little girl wonders why Matty didn’t take her to Movie World instead.

We then meet Troy, Tara’s brother. He doesn’t like that Tara has been eating another man’s sausages and refuses to cheers him. Because we all know, when a man is angry with his sister’s monogamously driven boyfriend, the right course of action is to not give him the satisfaction of a cheers. Well done, Troy.

Troy ‘interrogates’ Matty, calls him a liar to which Matty responds with how he really cares about Tara. GEEZ TROY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS FOR MATTY TO SEND GIRLS HOME ONE BY ONE EVERY EPISODE. Must be horrible to find love. Maybe Troy just hasn’t found the one yet. I hope he finds his Gabriella one day.

Then Tara’s whole family starts breaking it down into some High School Musical dance routine while Matty and Tara slow dance and pash. Troy then has a solo and Matty leaves before he has to hear anymore.

Don’t worry Troy, every man does. Source.

Matty then soars off to Amsterdam Melbourne to meet his Dutch teacher for a field trip the school has planned for him. They even hired bikes and helmets were compulsory (it cost $40 more but who cares, better having the kids stay safe then a law suit on your hands).

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Flo and Matty riding in a park. Source.

Flo then takes Matty to meet her friends after she explains to him that her family can’t make it to meet him. He is shocked to find out that foreign people can’t attend a dinner just because he is the Bachelor. For once it’s not all about you Matty J!

Marley and the other one explaining to Matty that they hate him lol. Source.

So Flo organizes the next best thing and gets her Dutch ‘besties’ to roast him like burnt toast. Marley and… the other friend, don’t really give a crap about Matty and just talk to Flo for a long time. Flo then asks Matty to stop being so clingy and snatches her hand away from him (foreshadowing lolol).

After that, Marley takes Matty outside to the pool and literally drowns him in insults and tells him that Florence won’t move to Australia for him long term. She thinks she did a good job, Flo agrees and Matty leaves for the next home.

We are greeted on a mountain like the one from The Sound of Music and I can literally hear the lyrics coming out of Elise’s mouth as she turns to kiss Matty. This episode is so reminiscent of a musical it is killing me, I’m waiting for someone to break out into song or dance.

After they sing The Hills are Alive they take a short stroll on the beach and then are taken to Elise’s house where they are serving copious amounts of alcohol. I am considering getting on one of these shows just so I can get all this free booze. However, I realise how you have to talk to people on this show and that’s one of my deal breakers, the balloon has been popped.

After having AT LEAST a bottle and a half of wine to herself, Elise’s mum goes to the kitchen to try and find another bottle. Matty can see that she’s struggling and goes to help her but ends up mashing her potatoes instead. She then asks if he wants to help with anything else in the kitchen while he is still mashing them, sadly he declines.

Things are getting saucy in the kitchen. Source.

Once Matty is done, Elise’s mum asks if he actually likes her and he gives her the “yup she’s cool” response, which pleases her.

After the dinner and drinks are over, our dark horse Elise says goodbye to the Bachelor once more and gives him a kiss for good luck. The cycle of herpes continues.

Matty turns up to Laura’s hometown (the beach) with the car which kidnapped Cobie last episode (I wonder what ended up happening to her), and is greeted by her doggo. Matty throws a rose into the great abyss of the ocean and says fetch, Laura brings it back almost instantly, they laugh, have a picnic and bitch about Laura’s family and leave.

Matty calling Laura over. Source.

Laura’s family seemed nice and her grandparents were adorable. Her grandmother however was trying way to hard to flirt with the Bachelor scoring him a perfect 10/10. Settle down Doris, your time has come and gone.

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Nan has set her sights on our Bachelor. Source.

The final grilling comes in the form of Laura’s sister of whom is actually quite pleasant and likes Matty’s answers. For some reason this season’s grilling’s have been extra brutal. Dunno why, maybe it’s because people just don’t like the Bachelor. At least Laura does.

We finish with Laura saying how she’s 100% into Matty BUT STILL DOESN’T TELL HIM THAT. Girl. If you want to stay, tell him you love him or you’ll end up in the dog house!

Rose Ceremony Time!

We get back to the mansion and Osher finally gets to talk this episode (he’s very happy to see Matty again). The girls all go through their dramatic monologues in their beautiful dresses and we see that Flo has been hiding a tattoo on her lower chest. Fancy.

Matty doesn’t like the tattoo or Florence’s friend Marley (reminded him too much of the movie) so he sends her home to Amsterdam. Don’t worry Matty, her visa was about to run out anyways.

Florence, you and your phrases will be missed. Source.

Bye Flo-lecia.

Finale week is coming up! To watch the next episode of The Bachelor tune into Network Ten on Wednesday and Thursday at 7:30pm.