There have been rumours of a Married At First Sight cheating scandal this week, and look. Nobody is shocked. Cheating scandals are to Married at First Sight what avocados are to Vegemite sandwiches: not necessarily what we came for but it does make it far better. And no, I do not own a house.

We continue with the torture that is the “rank people by how hot they are and the fight about it” game. Melissa is still kind of mad at Bryce about it, and Coco has well and truly got the shits with Sam (which to be fair, so does the rest of Australia).  Joanne puts Jake in first and her husband James second, which goes over badly. Bec puts her husband Jake first, but only because she reckons she doesn’t actually find any of the guys attractive. Jake rates Bec first “but only on looks”, and Bec is shocked that he doesn’t love the personality of someone who describes themselves as a Sasshole.

Russell ranks all the women not by looks, but by how interested they are in barbequing. Because it turns out he’s asked them all about it. 

Booka and Brett are the only couple that seem to approaching anything resembling functional.

The new terrible game is basically “tell me your deepest secret so the country can judge you.”

Melissa confesses that for the last twelve years, she’s been sleeping with her ex on and off. Considering Bryce has straight-up admitted to cheating and to breaking off an engagement to go on MAFS, this doesn’t seem so bad. Until she says he was married.

Even though Melissa swears she had no idea he was married (??), Bryce is pissed.

We go to Coco and Sam’s place where they’re being made to watch their audition tapes. Coco says she has never been complimented by a boyfriend, and that she’s hurt because no boyfriend has called her beautiful. Sam halfheartedly calls her beautiful, but also he insulter her boobs on day 2, so…

Later on, Cam comes over to see Coco without either of their Sams around, so we all know exactly where this is going.

Apparently, Cam knows Coco’s Sam from the outside world because they both work in construction (so Sam isn’t a professional clothing designer, then?)

“I had a feeling that anyone who was gonna be matched with him was gonna have issues because I know him. I don’t really like him to hang around with at all because there’s always drama. You always get embarrassed when you’re around him. I personally think he’s a pig. He’s a pig,” says Cam.

The two agree that they would have preferred to be matched with each other, and we get the weirdest sense of deja vu.