To put it bluntly, sex is weird, and we all do it differently. Navigating the desires of a new partner can be tricky, as is communicating to them what you like. But what if a new partner isn’t so sleek in the sheets? How can you be honest but kind? Critical but constructive?
A Reddit user (who since deleted their post) asked that very question. For context: a woman sent him a post-shag text message saying she had a great time. This Redditor, on the other hand, had a less than great root. His question: how can I convey my thoughts in a respectable and constructive manner?
Firstly, kudos to the deleted Redditor. We love him for caring about her enough to want to be honest. Secondly, if you ever find yourself in such a position (hehe), here’s the advice from the internet:
Give her another chance
If it was your first time and you liked her aside from the sex, I’d give it another time or two. I know when I was younger sometimes if I really liked the guy I was so nervous during the first time that I feel I was bad at sex and sometimes the guy was the one who was bad but after the first time it was pretty good. But if you weren’t into her then you weren’t into her.
#1 Hey, she probably hated it too
I’m sure she could sense it wasn’t that great. She probably wasn’t referring to just the sex. I’m sure she meant she had a nice date, enjoyed spending time with you, and it was nice to be close to you. Women don’t always expect mind blowing sex as we krootnow things can be improved with communication. Did you have a good time with her too aside from the sex? If so, give her another chance and sex can get better.
#2 Negative feedback will get you nowhere
If you don’t want to see her again, or have sex with her again, you can say “hey, I had a nice time, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” There is no reason to “be constructive” because it will only hurt her.
Alternatively, if you like her, and you do want to take a second shot at it in the bedroom… you could say something like, “I’ve been thinking about you too, and that was basically a warm-up for me. Next time, I’m going to tell you what to do, and have you moaning and begging for more.”
#3 Frame the information in a positive way
Don’t say anything negative or critical right now. Wait until you sleep with her again and ask her to do specific things while you’re in the middle of the act.
#4 Run boy, run
Ghost her. That’s why people do it. It’s easier than responding to people and shutting them down and hurting their feelings.
Please do this instead #5
Instead of lying though why can’t you say that you think she’s a great person but you just don’t think you’re compatible? And wish her the best. It’s honest and says nothing negative about her while also not leaving her hanging?
#7 Let her down over cheese and nice wine
I’ve been in your situation before mate. She was the sweestest, most kindhearted lady, but in terms of sexual compatibility, it was just not there at all. My advice would be if she is someone that you want to pursue something more long standing with, then open the lines of communication. But if it is not, then I would take her out on a nice date, tell her how wonderful she is and how much you enjoy her company, but perhaps it is better to be friends. That way, she knows you are an honest man, and you don’t have a conflicting conscious by lying to her.
Have you ever had to tell someone they were less than satisfactory in bed? Let us know in the comments below!