Reality TV consumes about 88 per cent of my life, with the other 12 per cent making up my bad decision making and remaining 1 per cent consists of me being mad at myself for finishing that tub of ice-cream but not mad enough to stop myself from getting another one of those decedent milky ways from the family pantry. Don’t judge me, Milky Ways are out of this world.
I love reality TV shows with Survivor and The Amazing Race being my absolute favourites as the lines of morality are drawn and people betray, backstab and sabotage each other. However, I’m unsure how much lower we can get with the shock value that producers pry out of their unsuspecting, wine throwing reality TV casts. The Super Switch and MAFS already promote infidelity; the next step for reality TV, in my eyes, would be broadcasting children killing each other in an arena. Maybe Suzanne Collins was on the right track when she wrote The Hunger Games.
Reality TV dramas such as MAFS and The Real Housewives of Sydney have become Australian favourites, dominating the ratings and mutilating the minds of millions as we blindly follow the drama. Australians love a good biff, fight, punch-up and bitch to watch that doesn’t involve them; so much so that our post-dinner, mindless watching has been described internationally as some of the most hateful reality TV in history. Ironically, our thick-skinned, Australian shores love the abundance of scalding hot tea that fills our TV schedules for the night even if the people on our screens do get a little burned.
Where is the line for what reality television producers will do to sell their rambunctious, polarising new shows? I’m sure they can’t get lower than promoting infidelity on a show about finding love, or alluding to a girls bisexuality being a horrible secret that a she is hiding from a man who is canoodling with 17 other women. Honestly, our reality TV makes Battle Royale look like child’s play (well, it kind of was, but let me make the reference). What will producers come up with next to hook our attention?
It makes me think about new shows that my all-seeing eye of reality TV may be able to predict, shows that will bless (or curse) our screens in the near future. We can do this by looking at the great history of our successful Australian shows.
Future shows that I could see happening are:
“Love it or give it up for adoption”
This is a show where parents either keep their shit stirring children or send them to an orphanage. It is similar to Worlds Strictest Parents, however has the kicker of the parents deciding whether or not to dump their children. It tugs on the heart strings of the audience as familial ties deteriorate or grow stronger as the end of the experiment.
“The Real Doggos of Sydney“
Only the most boujee dogs know how to live in a ‘dog eat dog world’. They spend their time eating the finest ‘My Dog’ branded food and bitching with each other about their trampy husbands. Pepper and Bella’s catfights are legendary.
“Australia’s Next Top Dad Bod”
Shane Jacobson is on the search for Australia’s next, most epic dad bod. With twists and turns along the way, the boys pose in budgie smugglers and ensure that they maintain their rambunctious physique.
“The Super ‘let’s be a committed married couple and not cheat on each other’ Switch”
An intriguing new television show that sees couples staying together over finding another man or woman to be a more attractive option than their existing partner to cease the chase for Instagram fame that will last approximately 42 days. The title explains itself.
A finger-waving good time where contestants compete to see who can wake up Jeff. The winner receives a big red car (most likely a 98 Toyota Corolla with malfunctioning seat belts and a bung tyre) and a year’s supply of Dorothy’s roses.
“Who wants to be uni debt free?”
University students have to answer questions pertaining to their degree with the winner getting all of their debt paid off. I can only wish for a gameshow like this.
In all seriousness, if these shows don’t appear on your screens in the near future, I will be dumfounded. Australian television is attempting to improve itself with Channel 10 already receiving influence from the American brand “CBS” with Australian Survivor having its best season yet. I still have low expectations for MAFS next year, however I will still be watching to keep up with all of the workplace gossip. Who doesn’t?