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Australian Politicians as characters from Mean Girls

6 minutes to read

Politicians can become quite cliquey and the environment can seem very similar to that of high school. Some would even say that these people are so fake that they’re plastic. In saying that, there isn’t a clear-cut Burn Book that we can take inspiration from, so I guess that would just be Australian media. Mean Girls has ingrained itself in our Australian political culture and these are just a few similarities that I’ve found.

Regina George: Malcolm Turnbull

Regina George and Malcolm Turnbull
Regina George and Malcolm Turnbull. Image Sources: Mean Girls Wikia and Over Sixty

“He’s the queen bee, intelligent, manipulative, and capable of doing everything in his power to get what he wants.”

Evil takes form in Malcolm Turnbull. He was the leader of not only his political party but the entire country, very similar to the leader of the plastics (which is quite ironic considering the amount of plastic pollution in Australia is absurdly high). The similarities don’t stop there – Malcolm was born and raised by his wealthy parents. It’s unfortunate that he was quickly kicked from his prime position by the one and only Cady Heron, I mean Scott Morrison.

Cady Heron: Scott Morrison

Cady Heron and Scott Morrison. Image Sources: Mean Girls Wikia and Twitter

The new guy on the scene – our new Prime Minister and leader of the Plastics, ScoMo – has done his darndest to tarnish Malcolm’s name in every way possible; he’s taken over his political party, literally trying to run Malcolm’s life. Originally from the eastern suburbs, the majority of the Cook electorate are asking, “if you’re from the east, why are you trying to win over the Shire?”

Karen Smith: Pauline Hanson

Karen Smith and Pauline Hanson. Image Sources: Fanpop and TTF Australia

One of the leaders of a political party and can forecast when a refugee boat is coming onto Australian shores to make sure she’s stops it. Pauline Hanson dresses up as a rat every damn day, duh! “While she’s shown to be extremely stupid and completely clueless in many occasions,” she is not easily influenced by Malcolm and Bill. Unlike Karen however, she is not nice and not friendly.

Gretchen Wieners: Bill Shorten

Gretchen Wieners and Bill Shorten. Image Sources: Mean Girls Wikia and Twitter

“Stop trying to make Labour happen Bill, it’s not going to happen!”

The most opposed to Malcolm’s power of the Plastics, Bill wants to make his own kind of fetch happen no matter what it takes. I mean, his father is the inventor of Toaster Strudel, what can’t this man accomplish? The thing is, we all know that Bill has had trouble eating wieners from Bunnings barbeques. Nice try Bill, but you’re not going to win anything by eating snags like that.

Aaron Samuels: Julie Bishop

Aaron Samuels and Julie Bishop. Image Sources: independent.ie and Twitter

The woman everyone wants to see take over and looks sexy with her hair pushed back. Extremely close to Malcolm (some could say against her will). She was loyal to him until the end and left as soon as he was dethroned by ScoMo. Julie is the only one that we all wanted to see take leadership over the Plastics, but unfortunately “stupid girls make up rumours because they’re bored with their own lame lives.”

Damian Leigh: Clive Palmer

Damian Leigh and Clive Palmer. Image Sources: Mean Girls Wikia and The New Daily

“Clive Palmer! Four million for you Clive Palmer! You go Clive Palmer!”

Being almost (definitely not almost) too rich to function. His plethora of advertisements for his campaign are the complete opposite of Damian in that he is both unlikeable, old and definitely doesn’t even go here (Australian politics because his campaign is kind of a joke at this point).

Janis Ian: Barnaby Joyce

Janis Ian and Barnaby Joyce. Image Sources: Mean Girls Wikia and The Australian

As the weird outsider that nobody talks to anymore, Barnaby has called out almost everyone else in parliament and made a name for himself as the most bullied politician ever. Unlike Janis, his actions are not justified.

If this list hasn’t proved that the majority of our polly’s are Mean Girls (or boys), then maybe you should consider who may take power in the coming weeks and what they’ll do with it. Most likely, we’ll be getting the man who can’t eat a sausage properly or the man that is the literal form of evil that cuts his friends throats. I’d say that voting for the lesser of two evils isn’t a good option. The Greens or Animal Rights Party maybe?

Featured Image Source: The Hollywood Reporter