The last weeks of semester that round up the end of the year are always a drag. I spend majority of my time procrastinating, pondering how I’m going to spend the summer ahead just so my fragile, depleted mind can have the strength to make it through to the end. My body and mind only motivates itself if it has something to look forward to, sort of like a puppy or toddler being toilet trained and receiving a reward for their efforts. It has been this way for as long as I can remember, and I guess some habits never die. The Internet has become a wonderful tool of deferment, where many spend their time viewing other people who have a way of making their lives look very impressive online, and make you feel as if you’re missing out on something magical. My mind is a very expansive place of imagination where I mentally and then physically jot down every place I want to explore, eat at or simply visit.
Number one on the ‘Hot list of wild adventures I wish to go on this summer’ was Wentworth Falls in the Blue Mountains. A waterfall flowing into a huge natural pool surrounded by lush green trees; well it looks lush from what I’ve seen on peoples’ Instagram feeds and it had me absolutely captivated and wishing I could go. I imagined myself swimming under the waterfall on a hot summer’s day, with a picnic basket packed with goodies waiting for me when I was finished enjoying frolicking under the waterfall. Unfortunately, life got in the way and I didn’t make it to the Blue Mountains during the holidays.
I haven’t quite figured out if this aspiring, hyperactive personality of mine is an asset or a downfall. I guess it’s a mixture of both, like anything. When I actually do make it to the destination of desire, I feel wild with life and accomplishment that I actually spent a day out in the sun exploring the world, instead of the usual viewing of other peoples’ seemingly exciting lives on Instagram and Facebook with a hint of jealousy. But, I must admit this unnecessary need to always-be-doing-something-personality of mine can be a massive downfall, because more often than not I find that life does get in the way, and I don’t make it to all these destinations I wish to get to.
Thus, the disappointment sets in, followed by the slight depression and then the mopey attitude that is instilled in me and dragged around the house for the next few days. I must confess that sometimes if I really get my hopes up on doing a particular activity on a particular day, I’ll even cause a fight with my friends or mother just because it didn’t happen due to some reason or another. I try not to get angry or upset, but my hopes are set so high it is almost impossible not to be.
Perhaps I should have spent at least a part of my summer break reading a book on ‘how to not be so neurotic all the damn time’ or ‘learning how to deal with not always getting my way’. When realistically, a large part of my four-month summer break was spent eating copious amounts of Kettle chilli chips while watching Weeds on the lounge and working a butt-load to spend my money on unnecessary, but desired clothing items.