The revelation that Malcolm ‘Harbour-side Mansion’ Turnbull secretly donated a whopping $1.75 million (the largest donation in Australian political history) toward the Liberal party’s 2016 federal election campaign has posed the question of the true value of a prime ministership. Labour has accused Turnbull of “buying” the election, to which he responded, “I put my money where my mouth is.”

Politics is all about trade-offs and budgeting, so we’ve compiled a list of alternative ways in which big-spender Turnbull could’ve blown his cash.

7 Ways to Blow $1.75 Million (other than buying Prime Ministership)

• 162 488 packages of 42  spring meadow-scented tide pods from Walmart (including shipping)
• One private jet for $1.5 million. With the change, splurge on an accompanying emotional support peacock for company
• 175 879 buckets of KFC’s 9 for $9.95 Tuesdays
• 700 000 delicious Bunnings Snags

• Sponsor more than three thousand children in need through World Vision for twelve months. This improves the livelihoods of children in poverty by providing access to safe drinking water, education and health needs, among other things.
• Sponsor a single university student through one semester’s worth of textbooks (JOKING . . . well, not really).
• Book a 124-day long cruise on the Silver Whisper for a meagre $1.5 million Aussie dollars per couple. It works out to be roughly $12 000 per day. Bargain!

With claims from the media that the secretive donation resulting in his Prime Ministership has compromised democracy, perhaps Moneybags Turnbull will consider some of our practical suggestions next time his allowance burns a hole in his pocket.